Frigidity – what is it?

Is there really such a condition as frigidity?

Most therapists, counselors and other professionals believe that there is no such condition as frigidity.

This is a term that is used quite often to describe in a dismissive or insulting way a woman who is not sexually responsive to her partner’s desire.

It is not uncommon for women to define themselves as such, and this is equally inaccurate.

What is human sexuality?

It must be understood and understood that human sexuality is not something that exists in isolation. It is driven by a wide range of behaviors and each of the partners reflects the emotional and romantic reactions at the opposite end of the pattern.

Simply put, both men and women need the right conditions and treatment to respond to their partner’s desire, and very often they don’t get it.

The Past

Hundreds of years ago, infant mortality was extremely high. In fact, 8 out of 10 babies died before reaching one year of age. Human life expectancy was also extremely low.

Most people only lived to be 22 – 23 years old on average. Since very few babies made it to adulthood, it was important for a woman to get pregnant as often as possible to ensure offspring.

This is why women and men tried to be intimate as regularly as possible. Sex was completely perceived as an obligation of the partners, and the goal – survival of the family.

Today’s reality

These days, people have been living past 70 for a long time, and the number of centenarians is increasing. Most men will likely live past 73 and women 78.

Infant mortality has fallen dramatically and is immeasurably less common than it was a few centuries earlier. People live in modern and comfortable housing, with constant access to clean drinking water.

There are built sewerage systems, abundant food, public health care. But nature and human genes cannot adapt so quickly to changed living conditions.

These days, male sexuality has not yet adapted to the new reality, and in most men the desire for sex arises extremely quickly. In women, however, the desire does not erupt so quickly, or at least it rarely happens.

There are men who are disappointed by the “slowness” of their partner’s arousal and call her frigid, but this is really a projection of their own ignorance regarding the sexual physiology of the fairer sex.

Sex is a paradoxical behavior and the more you try, the harder it gets.

What embarrasses women?

In general, women are more easily embarrassed by being heard during sex.

So if a woman’s mother-in-law or mother-in-law is in the next room, or the children’s room is next door, especially if there are thin walls, it can stop and block any desire in the woman.

Many men mistakenly believe that aggressive or noisy behavior attracts women, but in fact this is a big mistake, because it is able to destroy the desire of even the most responsive partner.

The same goes for men who drink a lot of alcohol. Women lose interest in them, and men begin to accuse the woman of frigidity instead of looking for an answer within themselves.

Upbringing also plays a role

Sensitivity is one of the key factors in sexual responsiveness, but many men and women are raised from childhood without much parental tenderness, without being hugged, stroked or kissed.

This of course does not mean that parents do not love their children. It’s just that some people are more restrained in their gestures.

As a result, some women who grew up in such a family feel subconsciously threatened by physical contact, although with their body language and sometimes even words they try to show to their partner that they desire it.

Fear of pregnancy, religious taboos, the idea that sex outside of marriage is sinful, especially if it is not intended for the conception of children, and many, many others are possible obstacles to a woman relaxing with her partner.

Frigidity doesn’t actually really exist, at least not in the way men imagine.

For a woman to be frigid, she would have to be completely desensitized.

This would mean that a woman is unable to derive pleasure from delicious food and drink, from the fragrance of a pleasant perfume, from good music or birdsong that caresses the ear, from the crashing waves of the sea on the beach or by a beautiful fiery sunrise or sunset, petting the purring cat or cuddling your children.

Why? Quite simple. Because all these senses such as sound, smell, touch and sight are the basis of all sensations in the human brain. All of our senses contribute to our ability to feel pleasure, including sexual arousal and pleasure.

What lies behind the cold exterior from a psychological point of view?

Far from the banal clichés about this or that woman being frigid, most women who are qualified in this way are actually warm, caring and sensitive people, but somehow it is more difficult for them to show and achieve sexual desire and pleasure because their instinctual responses have been repressed or hidden in response to parental or societal pressure.

They only show their feelings when they really know that they can trust their partner completely and unconditionally, and this trust often develops very slowly.

What should you do if your partner is this type of woman?

Women who have similar difficulties must be helped, supported and understood to be able to enter in sync with their own sexuality and that of their partner. Through talking with a therapist, counseling and desensitization, they will learn to give freedom to their feelings, desires and sensations and this will reveal them in a new light, helping them to enjoy their body and emotionality.

With the right partner and under the right conditions, these women are often much more fiery and sensitive, with the capacity to experience immense pleasure from intimacy with a partner. Here it can be said with full force that the old saying applies: “Quiet waters are the deepest”.